09 January 2020

Another year has come and I bet we all are being motivated to have a fresh start. I certainly am, I think I've been entertaining my moody emotions for too long already. 2019 wasn't such a great year for me but I hope 2020 is. I have strict goal plans this year and I really do hope I get to achieve them as last year I accomplished nothing. Seriously, I was unable to tick any of my goals off and it's heartbreaking. It feels like it isn't me and I took my life for granted. I used to be motivated, I had goals and dreams ever since school and I always made sure I accomplish them. Of course, there were certain changes in goals throughout the years because I kept changing my path, especially in my career.

Before I got married, my goal was to succeed in my career, I always dreamt that I'm gonna work in a big company and rise above. Well, I sorta did, just after I finished my degree, I went straight to work, I was at a fast phase back then because I didn't want to waste time, I already started applying for jobs during my final month of degree, while I was busy for my finals, I was taking interviews already. I'm kinda lucky with jobs I guess back then, the ones I applied I'll usually get called in and I get the job. So I didn't have to apply for a lot of jobs. It wasn't so hard for me to get jobs back then, I skipped 3 jobs in a year and finally settled in a company based in KL. Honestly, I avoided companies in KL because I didn't like city life, but turns out, it was the one for me. My life was pretty much taking its place there, I graduated, got engaged, married, suddenly pregnant and then I gave birth to a son.

When I became a mother my goals suddenly changed, during the phase that my son was tiny and fit perfectly held in my arms, I wanted to give my career up for this one, but still, I was indecisive. I wasn't sure and I had a hard time thinking about it but eventually, I did go back to work and it was never the same as before. Things got complicated when my routine started changing and also my body wasn't helping much too. I had to leave my son at my mums for the weekdays and pick him up on the weekends, and since I was breastfeeding too, I had engorged breast almost every day. I had to find time and space to pump and commuting to work wasn't easy too as I was depending on public transportation. It was burnout mostly and I wasn't happy to be away from my son.

My husband was also at the peak of his career back then, his time was limited and I usually end up going home alone which was more tiring. After much discussion, I gave in, my husband didn't force me to quit, but since we were trying to downsize by moving to Puncak Alam, I eventually resigned. At that time I kinda didn't have much of a choice since by working I didn't get much too with the hassle of commuting and all, so I had to sacrifice my path so that my husband could focus on his path first.

Now 2 years have passed and my mind and goals are ready for a new change. I have been 2 years as a housewife and I don't think that is the life for me. Within those 2 years, I easily got stressed and countless times having some kind of a mental breakdown. There is a big difference between working mums and a housewife for sure and each has its pros and cons since I've tasted both. Being a working mum, it's tiring having to juggle between work and home and of course it creates stress. But the difference is that you have some time away from home, and your motivations and goals are determined since there's a definite path on where your career leads you. And also at the end of the month, you earn your own money, which makes you less guilty to get anything you want.

While for being a housewife, many working mums say it's a luxury to be. Well yes, if you're husband is super-rich, of course, you'll live in luxury. If you don't have a maid and a babysitter, you're pretty much working as a maid and babysitter yourself in your own home. House chores never end, there's always much work to be done, and handling a toddler itself is already a lot of stress. Some questions about what we do all day because of the house ain't even neat and tidy. If my husband asks me that question, which he dares not ask, I'll go on full dragon mode, seriously. Ever since I started being a housewife, I started snoring at night, which my husband could see how tired I get at home. I'll usually sleep way before him because I need to wake up way before him.

Anyhow, if I'm talking about my life as a housewife it may never end in this post, so to cut things short., I'm done. DONE! Well, not completely done. LOL... I'm just done being sad, moody and demotivated. I'm ready to have a career again. Honestly, I tried to apply for work again but it's not easy, I have to think where to put my son, how to commute and also about money. But before all that, I didn't even get a call for an interview. Wow... being a house mum for 2 years and my path seems to be blocked but that's okay because I'm not still 100% sure that I could work office hours too. So my husband tried to support and opened up my mind to try working with him instead.

Both of us never wanted to work with each other before because we didn't wanna mix our personal life and career, but now we're at a spot where we should. Working with my husband gives me the freedom to adjust my schedule and of course get major help from my husband too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hoping to depend on him 100%, I have brains and kind of a big ego too when it comes to success. I want success coming from myself. What I mean help is that, if I can't make it to an appointment, or if something happens so sudden, I have my husband to back me up because he knows how to cover. Besides, this is the only job that I don't have to sacrifice Maliq, I could still take care of him without sending him to a nursery. My husband and I only plan to send him to a nursery once he knows how to talk.

Anyways, now I started my working career, as soon as 2020 kicked in, my husband and I went fully focus. We are now both Property Agents and my husband is also my team leader which gives it some perks too because we're both on the same team to earn. So the more focus and committed we are, the more we earn, and we sure hope by this year, we are able to have savings and probably buy our own home too. My goals are to have an income every month and also get a small car for me to run around easily.  So to help me focus on this job, my mum offers to babysit Maliq on weekends so I could work and serve appointments, while on weekdays, I'll have Maliq and work from home, calling clients and set appointments. So if there's any urgent things I need to do on weekdays, I'll have my husband back me up for now. So that's our goal this year, to have teamwork in earning and also to bring up Maliq by ourselves too.

So that's it peeps! Have a great 2020. I hope you all are pumped up for this year too.

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